Over and out (Ghosts Part 4)

Today will go down as one of the most surreal days of my entire life.

Severing communications with someone so dear to you is SO HARD! It was a mutual arrangement and neither of us wanted to do it, but we both knew we had to. One final hour long skype call, and here we are. Deleted one another from friends lists in Facebook and Orkut, deleted all those precious text messages that I had saved on my phone. The 'ghosts' (mentioned in previous blogs) which had become my friends will be given up, some thrown away, some passed on to others, but none will be kept as reminders (Phone numbers and addresses have been kept only in case of an emergency).

Why on earth would anyone in their right mind do this?
Its a question thats been on my mind for over a week since we began discussing it, and I had been struggling to find the answer. These are usually the actions of those who hate one another. Yet we feel quite the opposite for one another.

But actually the answer is actually pretty simple. We want to hear God again...
I had 7 days of pure clarity in hearing God, and that was during 7 days of zero contact between us a couple of months ago. Those seven days were the longest 7 days ever, as being out of contact with one another was just so hard. But God also spoke to me more than I have known in my entire life until that point. That week changed me totally!

Since then however, and more specifically since returning from my trip I have not heard from God at all really, and spending time with him has been a struggle. I have done sporadically, but its not been consistent like it had been in the few months before. My thoughts almost 24/7 have been consumed by one person, and that person was not God. That's not how it should be, and the fact that we are apart geographically and will have to be for so long anyway means that such a situation is just not sustainable for an indefinite period of time.

So... what are we doing? We're giving each other up in favour of God. At the same time we are entrusting one another into God's hands. If i think about that for a moment, I just entrusted to God THE most precious thing I had! Its incredibly scary, but we have to learn to trust God to that level. Nothing is acheived without sacrifice of some sort, and for us the sacrifice had to be one another.

Sting sang "If you love someone, set them free". Though I don't particularly like the song, those words suddenly mean so much.

I'll leave you with a few words of my own though. I wrote these lyrics around this time last year and at the time they were not about any specific situation, but now, one year later they are most poignant. I am noticing more and more how God uses lyrics which I have written, to minister to me. It happens too often for it to be coincedence.

If You say so

If You say, say its true
I believe You
and You can beat me black and blue
and I won't leave You
If You say it's time to go, let's go
If You say it's so, it's so
If You say, say it's so

If I give, give it all
What would You do?
Would You give it back to me
though You don't have to?
Would You listen to my words?
Would You?
Would You make it so it's so?
Would You make it, make it so?

© 2008 wearyourheartout

Ghosts part 3

Before you read this, read Ghosts part 1 and part 2, or none of this will make sense.

I'm not afraid of ghosts, in fact I have grown to like them, love them even. I think I should explain why.

The ghosts only seemed to hold any power at all when I was experiencing a sense of loss. For most people when a relationship ends, especially if it ends when you don't want it to, as in you are not the initiator of the ending, or if the ending was ugly, they experience a deep sense of loss, pain and heartache. This loss is usually caused by the fact that you have lost the other person. Logical isn't it? It can also be turned into intense pain by childish immaturity which causes people to be enemies after they break up. This is expressed in anger toward one another for the fact that one of you broke up with the other. Its a defence mechanism. They say the best form of defence is attack, and I guess thats why people do it. It may be true, and it may make it easier to "get over it", but as a christian this method is not appropriate. At times it has been a temptation to follow that old and stupid and childish model, and in many ways it would be easier, but it is certainly not God's way. If you love the person, should your love for them be conditional on you being able to express that love in romanticism or physical affection? No. That's not love at all.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Cor 13:4-7

Nobody said it would be easy (Eph 4:1-3), but someone did tell us very clearly how to love...

Our aim was always to keep our friendship intact. We were best friends before, we were best friends during and we can be best friends after. As long as we believe it's possible, it is possible.

We still sharpen each other, challenge one another to be more christ-like, laugh with one another, share problems with one another. All that's changed is that we are not "with" one another. Yet in a way we are, its just a different way.

So, the list of things which to me were only a short while ago ghosts now simply remind me of my best friend. For that, I endear them, precious, cherished.