Someone called me

7:30am a mere 3,5hrs since I got to sleep, I was woken by a phone call (check the last words on my previous blog), and no, it wasn't a wrong number. It was the person I most wanted to hear from. She had just gone to sleep, then woke up with a strong feeling that she should call me. I call that God. We talked for a couple of hours, broken by about 30mins as I read the long email reply to the one I emailed to her right before I left. We also attempted to talk on Skype instead of phone (would have been free), but somewhere during my trip my headset got lost. Makes me wonder what else I lost but haven't discovered yet.

Anyway it was sooooo good to hear from her, and I took a lot of comfort from the fact that she too was finding it tough in much the same way I have been, and having to try to deal with an extreme sense of loneliness. There's a lot more I could say about the conversation but I won't, other than to say it was great, and it was like talking to my best friend again. We had a better conversation than we had during the whole vacation and it felt so good. I got back to sleep around 10am.

Her mum woke me with a phonecall around 1pm. We need to get together to talk soon, but her work schedule is a little strange so we'll see how that pans out. I'd like to talk sooner rather than later.

I was again woken at 2pm by a phonecall from my pastor. We had arranged this Sunday to go to away, but that is now cancelled. I will go to his place this evening so we can catch up. We haven't really had time to talk for a couple of months due to him being away, then me. We have a LOT to talk about.

I wasn't ready for that

I got home from work around 9:30pm after a pretty long day. Checked mail and FB, emailed JS a few times. Cooked myself some pelmeenid, then watched TV for a bit. I began to realise something. There's very little on TV that will actually enrich your life. Sure there's interesting things, but when you're looking for comfort for the soul, or something positive and uplifting, TV will not help you. In fact it makes the soul more restless. I'm seriously considering cancelling my cable contract. Or at least cutting it back to internet only.

Tonight I had a weird experience though, and one that I'm a little afraid to blog, but I'm gonna do it anyway.

I was in bed, had been watching TV and was thinking i should probably put lights out and sleep. But I became intensely aware that I was so alone here, no way for me to contact anyone and no-one contacting me. At times that can be a good thing, but not right now when I need people more than ever. But there was no-one. And it was deeply depressing, and I was being tempted so much to return to old vices. So much so that I actually had to escape my own apartment. At 1:30am I got up, got dressed, grabbed a bible and a notepad, jumped in my car and simply started driving. I had no idea where I was going or where I would end up. My trip took me out o a round trip into the country which lasted about 1,5hrs. Whilst driving I prayed, cried and did a lot of thinking and even praying for my phone to ring. Nothing. I don't think I have ever felt so intensely lonely as I did today. Someone call me...