Friday, May 24, 2019
Top 13 Highest Paying URL Shortener to Earn Money Online 2019
CPMlink
CPMlink is one of the most legit URL shortener sites.You can sign up for free.It works like other shortener sites.You just have to shorten your link and paste that link into the internet.When someone will click on your link.
You will get some amount of that click.It pays around $5 for every 1000 views.They offer 10% commission as the referral program.You can withdraw your amount when it reaches $5.The payment is then sent to your PayPal, Payza or Skrill account daily after requesting it.- The payout for 1000 views-$5
- Minimum payout-$5
- Referral commission-10%
- Payment methods-Paypal, Payza, and Skrill
- Payment time-daily
LINK.TL
LINK.TL is one of the best and highest URL shortener website.It pays up to $16 for every 1000 views.You just have to sign up for free.You can earn by shortening your long URL into short and you can paste that URL into your website, blogs or social media networking sites, like facebook, twitter, and google plus etc.
One of the best thing about this site is its referral system.They offer 10% referral commission.You can withdraw your amount when it reaches $5.- Payout for 1000 views-$16
- Minimum payout-$5
- Referral commission-10%
- Payout methods-Paypal, Payza, and Skrill
- Payment time-daily basis
Ouo.io
Ouo.io is one of the fastest growing URL Shortener Service. Its pretty domain name is helpful in generating more clicks than other URL Shortener Services, and so you get a good opportunity for earning more money out of your shortened link. Ouo.io comes with several advanced features as well as customization options.
With Ouo.io you can earn up to $8 per 1000 views. It also counts multiple views from same IP or person. With Ouo.io is becomes easy to earn money using its URL Shortener Service. The minimum payout is $5. Your earnings are automatically credited to your PayPal or Payoneer account on 1st or 15th of the month.- Payout for every 1000 views-$5
- Minimum payout-$5
- Referral commission-20%
- Payout time-1st and 15th date of the month
- Payout options-PayPal and Payza
Adf.ly
Adf.ly is the oldest and one of the most trusted URL Shortener Service for making money by shrinking your links. Adf.ly provides you an opportunity to earn up to $5 per 1000 views. However, the earnings depend upon the demographics of users who go on to click the shortened link by Adf.ly.
It offers a very comprehensive reporting system for tracking the performance of your each shortened URL. The minimum payout is kept low, and it is $5. It pays on 10th of every month. You can receive your earnings via PayPal, Payza, or AlertPay. Adf.ly also runs a referral program wherein you can earn a flat 20% commission for each referral for a lifetime.Cut-win
Cut-win is a new URL shortener website.It is paying at the time and you can trust it.You just have to sign up for an account and then you can shorten your URL and put that URL anywhere.You can paste it into your site, blog or even social media networking sites.It pays high CPM rate.
You can earn $10 for 1000 views.You can earn 22% commission through the referral system.The most important thing is that you can withdraw your amount when it reaches $1.- The payout for 1000 views-$10
- Minimum payout-$1
- Referral commission-22%
- Payment methods-PayPal, Payza, Bitcoin, Skrill, Western Union and Moneygram etc.
- Payment time-daily
Clk.sh
Clk.sh is a newly launched trusted link shortener network, it is a sister site of shrinkearn.com. I like ClkSh because it accepts multiple views from same visitors. If any one searching for Top and best url shortener service then i recommend this url shortener to our users. Clk.sh accepts advertisers and publishers from all over the world. It offers an opportunity to all its publishers to earn money and advertisers will get their targeted audience for cheapest rate. While writing ClkSh was offering up to $8 per 1000 visits and its minimum cpm rate is $1.4. Like Shrinkearn, Shorte.st url shorteners Clk.sh also offers some best features to all its users, including Good customer support, multiple views counting, decent cpm rates, good referral rate, multiple tools, quick payments etc. ClkSh offers 30% referral commission to its publishers. It uses 6 payment methods to all its users.- Payout for 1000 Views: Upto $8
- Minimum Withdrawal: $5
- Referral Commission: 30%
- Payment Methods: PayPal, Payza, Skrill etc.
- Payment Time: Daily
Short.pe
Short.pe is one of the most trusted sites from our top 30 highest paying URL shorteners.It pays on time.intrusting thing is that same visitor can click on your shorten link multiple times.You can earn by sign up and shorten your long URL.You just have to paste that URL to somewhere.
You can paste it into your website, blog, or social media networking sites.They offer $5 for every 1000 views.You can also earn 20% referral commission from this site.Their minimum payout amount is only $1.You can withdraw from Paypal, Payza, and Payoneer.- The payout for 1000 views-$5
- Minimum payout-$1
- Referral commission-20% for lifetime
- Payment methods-Paypal, Payza, and Payoneer
- Payment time-on daily basis
Linkrex.net
Linkrex.net is one of the new URL shortener sites.You can trust it.It is paying and is a legit site.It offers high CPM rate.You can earn money by sing up to linkrex and shorten your URL link and paste it anywhere.You can paste it in your website or blog.You can paste it into social media networking sites like facebook, twitter or google plus etc.
You will be paid whenever anyone will click on that shorten a link.You can earn more than $15 for 1000 views.You can withdraw your amount when it reaches $5.Another way of earning from this site is to refer other people.You can earn 25% as a referral commission.- The payout for 1000 views-$14
- Minimum payout-$5
- Referral commission-25%
- Payment Options-Paypal,Bitcoin,Skrill and Paytm,etc
- Payment time-daily
Short.am
Short.am provides a big opportunity for earning money by shortening links. It is a rapidly growing URL Shortening Service. You simply need to sign up and start shrinking links. You can share the shortened links across the web, on your webpage, Twitter, Facebook, and more. Short.am provides detailed statistics and easy-to-use API.
It even provides add-ons and plugins so that you can monetize your WordPress site. The minimum payout is $5 before you will be paid. It pays users via PayPal or Payoneer. It has the best market payout rates, offering unparalleled revenue. Short.am also run a referral program wherein you can earn 20% extra commission for life.Linkbucks
Linkbucks is another best and one of the most popular sites for shortening URLs and earning money. It boasts of high Google Page Rank as well as very high Alexa rankings. Linkbucks is paying $0.5 to $7 per 1000 views, and it depends on country to country.
The minimum payout is $10, and payment method is PayPal. It also provides the opportunity of referral earnings wherein you can earn 20% commission for a lifetime. Linkbucks runs advertising programs as well.- The payout for 1000 views-$3-9
- Minimum payout-$10
- Referral commission-20%
- Payment options-PayPal,Payza,and Payoneer
- Payment-on the daily basis
Wi.cr
Wi.cr is also one of the 30 highest paying URL sites.You can earn through shortening links.When someone will click on your link.You will be paid.They offer $7 for 1000 views.Minimum payout is $5.
You can earn through its referral program.When someone will open the account through your link you will get 10% commission.Payment option is PayPal.- Payout for 1000 views-$7
- Minimum payout-$5
- Referral commission-10%
- Payout method-Paypal
- Payout time-daily
BIT-URL
It is a new URL shortener website.Its CPM rate is good.You can sign up for free and shorten your URL and that shortener URL can be paste on your websites, blogs or social media networking sites.bit-url.com pays $8.10 for 1000 views.
You can withdraw your amount when it reaches $3.bit-url.com offers 20% commission for your referral link.Payment methods are PayPal, Payza, Payeer, and Flexy etc.- The payout for 1000 views-$8.10
- Minimum payout-$3
- Referral commission-20%
- Payment methods- Paypal, Payza, and Payeer
- Payment time-daily
Shrinkearn.com
Shrinkearn.com is one of the best and most trusted sites from our 30 highest paying URL shortener list.It is also one of the old URL shortener sites.You just have to sign up in the shrinkearn.com website. Then you can shorten your URL and can put that URL to your website, blog or any other social networking sites.
Whenever any visitor will click your shortener URL link you will get some amount for that click.The payout rates from Shrinkearn.com is very high.You can earn $20 for 1000 views.Visitor has to stay only for 5 seconds on the publisher site and then can click on skip button to go to the requesting site.- The payout for 1000 views- up to $20
- Minimum payout-$1
- Referral commission-25%
- Payment methods-PayPal
- Payment date-10th day of every month
Missed Classic: Ballyhoo - Circus Minimus
Written by Joe Pranevich
Welcome back! Last time out, we started into Infocom's fourth mystery game, Ballyhoo. Unlike our previous mysteries, this one is not (yet!) a murder. Instead, we have a kidnapping… at a circus! We will have to use all of our investigative skills to find out who kidnapped the owner's daughter and why, even though the owner doesn't know we are helping and probably wouldn't be that thrilled to find out that some random patron was snooping around his circus after closing time. Why are we doing this again? Because we secretly dream of the Big Top ourselves! And of being a detective, apparently. Actually, I have no idea why we're doing this but someone has to save the girl and so it might as well be us.
I apologize for the small delay in getting this out. We've had "plague house" here at the local Infocom Marathon Headquarters and so much of my time has been spent either being sick, cleaning up after others being sick, or both at the same time. It doesn't make for the best head-space for writing about a fun-filled circus holiday. To compensate, I've made this entry a bit longer than usual. As they say, send in the clowns!
Walk Down Memory Lane
Last time out, I mapped out all of the circus that I could. This consisted of several circus acts including an animal menagerie; Andrew Jenny, the half-and-half person; Rimshaw, the hypnotist; Tina, the "fat lady"; plus the Big Top itself. A guarded turnstile blocked our way further south, presumably to the crew area. While exploring, I performed a hire-wire act in the empty Big Top, scoring me a lost child's balloon which I must be careful not to drop or else it will fly away. I need to solve some puzzles if I am to advance.
The first "puzzle" that I know of is more like copy protection. The ticket included with the game has tons of fine print on it, but most importantly that three sessions with Rimshaw are included with the price of admission. This includes palm reading, hypnotism, and head-bump reading. I'm going to start this week by cashing in my extras.
While the palm reading reveals nothing but that I am going to have an interesting night, the hypnotism is surprisingly effective. I am cast back, as in a dream, several hours to when the circus was in full swing and I am sitting in the audience. The place is packed and everyone seems to be having a good time. This is a fully interactive dream, so I can interact with it in the usual Infocom way. Suddenly, I hear a rumble and a growl. What could it be? I look around, only to realize that it is my own stomach. I am hungry! (I confirm this with the "diagnose" command, a nice throwback to earlier Infocom games.) Just in the nick of time, a hawker comes to the end of my row selling tofu and peanuts. I yell down that I would like some peanuts and he flashes me the price on his fingers. I pass down that amount of money, but the press of the crowd is too much. My food never arrives and the hawker is quickly lost in the press of the crowd.
I'm still hungry, so I go in search of my peanuts. The crowd is too thick to the west, but I can push my way through to the east. I'm told that the exit is that way and down which is probably a hint. I chase the hawker through several rooms, but never catch up with him. The crowded bleachers form a maze. When I can head in his direction, I do, but I try to find routes down or east when I cannot. Eventually, I end up at the entrance to the Big Top with no hawker, but there is a concession stand set up where I can purchase food. Just as I arrive a monkey-- a literal monkey!-- lands on my back. I can't get it off.
Before I continue, I'll mention that this "monkey on my back" is a callback to the detective who, it is said, also had a monkey on his back when I saw him last. His monkey was drunkenness and it was explicitly a metaphorical monkey. It's very cute that I am afflicted with a literal one. Regardless of the spiritual implications of the situation, the monkey does not let me leave the concession stand area including by going back into the Big Top. I choose instead to stand in line for the concession stand. Unfortunately, the line is long but shortly after I stand in it, a second shorter line opens up. I switch over to that line and wouldn't you know it, the guy in front of me invites his friends-- and entire baseball team-- to cut in front of me. Now I'm in the long line once again. I switch to the short line, but everytime I do everyone else gets the same idea. It's a puzzle!
Just being patient doesn't cut it, nor does switching to the shorter line. I have to trick the crowd: if I pretend to get out of line to go to the short line, but instead stay in the long line, the people will cross like lemmings to the other side and leave me with a straight path to the front. I am forced to buy a chocolate covered banana which leaves me with exactly $12.81 in my pocket. I know I'm on the right path because that is precisely the amount of money that I started the game with. There is so much good humor here; it's a very memorable sequence. Highlights for me are the realization that the audience members are shockingly born exactly one minute apart from each other (a sucker is, as they say, born every minute), plus the ribbing the game gives you as you pick the wrong line over and over again. It is clever enough to point out, for example, that the person you were standing in line behind just a bit ago just got there food. It's all quite clever and my favorite part of the game so far.
Unfortunately, I make the mistake of feeding the banana to the monkey. He stays on my back and I seem to be stuck. I restore and try instead to throw the banana. He jumps off my back to get it and I am finally free of him, even if I am annoyed about the dead end. Heading back into the circus, still without food, I pass the hawker taking a break near the entrance. He tells me that he eventually gave me a granola bar and the guy sitting next to me still has it. But I didn't order a granola bar! I need to go back in and get it off of him. I navigate the maze back to my seat and the sequence ends. I have ten more points! What was the purpose of that? Was there a clue to the kidnapping that I missed? I try playing through it all again, but I don't see a clue if there is one. Could there be something else hidden in the crowd?
I ask Rimshaw to read the bumps on my head and he tells me two interesting bits of information:
Since I doubt either of those things will happen in this game, are those clues to future Infocom adventures? Rimshaw comments that I like Infocom adventures (how true!) and tells me that his favorite game is Enchanter, so that seems to be a good possibility. I think this is too early for Plundered Hearts to be referenced, but could those be references to Leather Goddesses and Trinity? I have played neither so I have no idea.
Interview with a (Former) Lion Tamer
After failing to find a way to get the radio from the bearded lady or how to get past the elephant, I work on passing through the turnstile into the crew area. That passage is guarded by "Harry", a blind man inside of a repurposed (and burned-out) animal cage. We saw him let Chuckles and Thumb through in the beginning of the game, but he doesn't recognize me to let me through. Since he's blind, I can't just wear the clown mask. I'll have to come up with an alternative path.
As it turns out, Harry is a plethora of information about the rest of the circus staff. He'll talk to me about just about everyone, with two special exceptions. In my conversations with him, I learn that:
Harry has less interesting things to say about the remaining staff (like Comrade Thumb) and doesn't seem to know some names from the manual at all. I also learn that his blindness is caused by being mauled by one of the lions. He even shows me his scars. The two lions in the circus are Nimrod and Elsie. He pointedly tells me that Nimrod refuses the whip while Elsie can only be tamed by it. That won't possibly come in handy later. I should note that he'll only talk about this once so you better take good notes!
There is a small puzzle while talking to him, although it doesn't seem to lead anywhere. If you ask about Chelsea, Munrab's daughter, he tells you that he told you already. If you took good notes and realize that he didn't do that, you can argue with him, eventually ending in a volley of "did not" and "did so" just like in cartoons. If you switch and say "did so", he'll get confused ala the Looney Tunes and say "did not" and then finally he'll talk to you about Chelsea. At least at this point in the game however, all he says is that he hasn't seen her all evening. A little underwhelming for the mini-puzzle that I had to pass through to get that information, but at least it was fun. Pointless trivia: this verbal sparring was first used in the Chuck Jones cartoon, Rabbit Fire, in 1951. Nearly 70-year old gags are still funny!
Even after all of those interviews and the trick to talk about Chelsea, none of that helps and I have to keep exploring.
Healthy Snack
In my next explorations, I end up back under the bleachers in the Big Top. The entrance was moved since the stands have been put back into place, but I can now climb under the fabric of the tent on the Midway to gain access. Since I have been recently hypnotized, I recall where I was sitting and go there to discover the lost granola bar that the hawker tried (and failed) to give me. I could eat it myself, but knowing that the Fat Lady is trying to be on a diet, I go there instead.
In her room, she has been oblivious this whole time just listening to her radio. Her "room" is actually two connected rooms with her in the center. I am either on her left or her right, with passages to the northeast/southeast and northwest/southwest to cross to the other side. If I try to take the radio, she passes it into her other hand and I have to go to the opposite room to see it again. That much I had discovered last week. However, if I stand on the side with a free hand, I can give her the granola bar which causes her to notice me. She offers me her hand which I-- after a moment of confusion-- shake in a show of friendship. She puts down the radio in the process and I can head to the other room and grab it quickly, scoring a few more points in the process. Tina is portrayed as "simple" (my words, not theirs), a gentle giant, but it's not at all flattering. Yes, it's all for maximum pathos but it doesn't completely sit right with me, especially since we've now essentially stolen a radio from an adult child. I hope at least she enjoyed her granola bar; it probably came from the granola mines of the Great Underground Empire.
That said, the radio is (for now) useless and only plays static. There's an ad for a classical radio station that I mentioned last time so I follow the instructions to change the channel to AM 1070. That causes a brief burst of music before it returned to static. I try carrying the radio around the grounds to see if it gets reception somewhere else, but I never find any. It'll have to be a mystery for later.
Send in the Clowns
Let's skip over another one of those impossible-to-narrate sections where I screw around with stuff and nothing much works, but I discover one thing: I can open the balloon and breathe the helium inside. Thanks to my new (and very brief!) high-pitched voice, I impersonate a clown much more effectively and manage to fool Harry. Even though he's blind, I put on the clown mask just to be on the safe side. He lets me through into the staff-only section of the circus. I hope that the mask is enough to fool anyone I might come across because I don't have the rest of a clown outfit handy.
There are only two "rooms" back here, but both seem promising:
The other interesting bit is that there is a pleated cloth wall in the north west. By climbing under the cloth, I arrive back in the prop tent. I also spot a piece of wood that wasn't there before. In classic adventure game form, I reach down to pick it up and… well, I can't spoil the joke by explaining it. I guess we'll do a rare "screenshot of text"!
In any event, the mousetrap and its accompanying cheese are now mine and I am sure that one or both will come in handy in the near future. More importantly, I can now go in and out of the staff area without passing through Harry's gate, which is good because I am out of helium.
I head back and knock on the door of the trailer. Chuckles only glances at me a moment before letting me in, probably because I am still wearing Malcolm's mask. (What happened to Malcolm anyway that he lost his mask and hasn't been seen around the camp? Is that part of the mystery?) In a slang-ridden conversation-- all helpfully translated by the circus slang section of the manual-- Chuckles complains about "Johnny Tin Plate" (the detective) snooping around, but he's pretty sure he won't find their "grift" (illegal gambling) because you have to put "Annie Oakley" (ticket) under the old front. I file that information away. Comrade Thumb is also in there, but he mostly ignores me while staying on his bunk-bed. During the conversation, Chuckles pauses at one point to ask me to close the door, but he doesn't catch on that I'm not who I say I am and I'm not dumb enough to do more than nod along. I expect that speaking will ruin the disguise. I search and find an ashtray with some ashes in it. Further snooping reveals that it the ashes include some unburned newsprint with a large-font letter "M" on it. Could this be a sign that one of the clowns worked on a ransom note? I haven't seen the note yet, but ransom notes often use cut up newsprint, at least in detective fiction. After a few turns, he realizes that I am not Malcolm and kicks me out.
Infocom's First Minigame
I took the bit about the illegal gambling as my next clue, so I search for the "old front" and find it quickly behind the elephant tent. When I slide my ticket under, a compartment opens up into a gambling hall where circus-goers and staff seem to be having some fun. I'm not sure how anyone finds out about this place to get in, but I'm sure word gets around the seedier circles. My options at seem to be poker and blackjack, but the game doesn't let you try poker as it is a private game. At first I think I can't play blackjack either, but it's just a verb problem. If you type "bet $1" (for example), the game starts.
This looks like Infocom's first minigame! It's actually quite simple, only using yes or no questions for all the game mechanics except betting. The maximum bet is $2 and I stick to that because I can always restore if I lose too much. I lose the first couple of hands, but soon the "won" hands stay about even with the "loss" ones. Blackjack is a fairly simple game, but I did not pay enough attention to tell if they accurately simulated multiple decks or did a new set every hand. The only missing feature is "splitting" hands. That's when you are dealt two of the same card and are given the option of splitting them into two hands (with additional bet) so that they can be played individually. Even Leisure Suit Larry had that, but it's not a huge deal. In the end, I can't really get ahead without save-scumming and nothing magical happens when I double my money. If there's a plot point here, I don't see it... until I quit.
As soon as I get up to leave, my character gets an impulse to play one more hand. That time, instead of playing as before, there are taps on our feet. It only takes one hand to realize that the taps are revealing the value of the dealer's hole card! That helps less than you might think and I still lose, but why is something helping me cheat? I sneak a peek under the table and it is Comrade Thumb! Is this his way to repay me for helping at the water fountain? The dealer quickly catching me looking under the table and realizes what is going on. He kicks both Thumb and I out of the gambling den and will no longer let me back in. I hope I didn't miss anything. I can always restore if need be.
Radio Killed the Text Adventure Star
With no further leads, I embark on another round of searching for new things to do. I start behind the elephant tent near the gambling hall and realize immediately that I must not have tried hard enough before. My first discovery is that I can climb the cage there and then clamber further onto the elephant's tent itself. It's dark and I don't have a destination in mind, so there's no place it lets me go. The one good thing is that the radio works up there! It does me no good immediately, but knowing the radio works with altitude could be a clue. Climbing down from the cage causes you to fall off and die. Just kidding, you just fall off and bruise your ego, complete with a fake death scene. Cheeky.
The cage itself was my next win. I had thought for some reason that the cage door was on the inside of the elephant tent, that I was seeing the rear, but in fact this is the front. Peering inside-- which I assume I could always have done but never thought of it-- I see a pair of keys on a nail. Using my tightrope-walking pole, I can poke in and grab the keys and slide them down to me. Not surprisingly, the keys unlock the cage door and inside is a makeshift home for a person. A bit dehumanizing perhaps, but he or she does have a nice pair of cassette headphones which I pocket. There is also a bucket of raw meat which I'm going to assume wasn't for him, unless we have a werewolf or something. The headphones have a location counter (currently 372) plus play, record, and rewind buttons.
I play the tape and at first don't notice anything funny. It's all Jimi Hendrix solos and the author didn't even bother to find the names of real Hendrix songs. But when I rewind and play from the beginning, there is the distinct sound of Rimshaw hypnotizing someone from locations 124 to around 250. Did Rimshaw use these headphones to hypnotize someone into kidnapping Midrab's daughter? Does the kidnapper even know that he or she did it?
The recording feature on the headphones is pretty neat. I am able to climb back up on top of the tent, play the radio, press record on the headphones, and then record as many turns of classical music as I want up until the end of the tape. The system is even smart enough to let me fast forward part of the way through the tape (past the hypnotism) and record only in the latter portion. It's a pretty neat object, a neat little puzzle, and a clever bit of coding. I'm very impressed! It seems silly, but it's one of the more clever object puzzles of the Infocom canon so far, which I was not expecting from Ballyhoo. Now I have "music to soothe the savage beast". That sounds like it will come in handy! I also show the headphones to Rimshaw and he as an unguarded moment where he seems about to panic before he composes himself again. He's guilty. It's him and the clowns? I also realize they are too small to fit me so they might be for someone young. Were they Chelsea's? Does she like Jimi Hendrix? I doubt it. Who did they belong to?
The keys do not just open up the the cage. Trying them around the yard reveals that they also open the gorilla's cage on the other side of the elephant tent. The gorilla's name is Mahler and he's not completely happy to see me invade his space. If I stay too long or get too curious, he "kills" me with a fate worse than death: permanently maimed and forced to act as a circus freak. I am able to locate a trap door hidden under the straw in his cage, but going anywhere near it results in that death. The solution turns out to be the music, although I'm not sure I should do this yet. If you play the headphones, Mahler will snag them off of you and calmly listen to classical music. (Hendrix is not his thing.) That lets me open the trap door, but it is empty except for a red ribbon. What is the significant of the ribbon? I have no idea. Unfortunately, Mahler destroys the headphones as soon as the music stops. I make a note of this detour, but I still expect that I'll need to hypnotize someone so restore back.
Cowardly Lion Tamer
Leaving the menagerie, I find the detective slumped down on the midway. He's alive, but barely. It doesn't look like foul play, more like a drunken stupor. He's still holding his "cure-all" flask and will not let it go. I try to search his coat but I am told that I cannot while he is wearing. He's too heavy for me to get it off of him also and this could be something to come back to later, if I find some help. Is there a circus strongman around someplace? I was hoping that he had the ransom note in his pocket so I could compare it to the burned newsprint from the clowns' trailer.
Trying my key all over the place, I discover that it doesn't unlock any of the trailers or the main office, but it does unlike the storage compartment under the lion tamer's trailer. It also unlocks the lions' cage in the western ring of the Big Top. The storage compartment contains a bullwhip which I grab. I now have a whip, a chair, and a bucket of raw meat, plus access to a cage of wild lions. It's my turn to be a lion tamer!
Letting myself in with the lions, I discover a large podium in the center of the ring and a closed grate to the south. The lions won't let me near either. Although they are patient, I will get mauled if I stick around too long. My guess is that I am trying to "tame" the lions into letting me open the southern grate. From there, it's either a place that I need to go or that they do, although I'm not sure which yet. Throwing the meat around calms the lions a bit, but they still do not let me go near the center podium. They do let me open the southern grate, but the game thinks that I am stupid for trying to climb in there so I'm guessing that was not the right call. Instead of tossing the meat immediately, I try the whip and chair. I spend a lot of time trying to find the right verb for whatever real tamers do with their chairs, but I eventually give up. Instead, I crack the whip over each of the lions. This is the point where I should remind you-- and wish I had reminded myself-- of Harry's conversation about the lions. He said that Elsie could be tamed by the whip while Nimrod could not. Of course, I have no idea which is which and the game forces me to address them as the "shaggy lion" and the "smooth-bodied lion". When I crack the whip over the shaggy lion, he gets really angry and kills me immediately. When I crack it over the smooth one, she calms down and goes into her routine. My guess is that is Elsie. That isn't enough since she isn't so docile that she lets me past.
And I admit that here's where I took a hint. I was absolutely convinced that I needed to do something with the chair, but I could find no words that worked. In the process of looking up a walkthrough to see the command for the chair, I realize the real problem was that I didn't crack the whip three times. The first time is just the start of the act. If you want her to do more, you have to keep doing it. Once she has been "tamed" three times, we can now open the grate again. Why Nimrod lets us now and not before Elsie was tamed will have to remain an exercise for the player. With the gate open, I can toss in the meat and… then what? I find that if I leave the cage and come back, they naturally went through the grate to retrieve the meat and that is good enough for me to be able to close them in. Lions managed! Now I can finally search the center podium to discover a cigarette case hidden underneath. What good does that do me?
Wrapping Up
With no other leads, I start working on the (literal) case. Harry is still my best source of information for things around the circus and he tells me that the case belongs to Andrew. I take it to Andrew Jenny's trailer and show it to both of them. Andrew doesn't respond, but Jenny throws a fit. She fights with her other half, somehow remembering that she was involved in something that she didn't want to be. Was she hypnotized? How do you hypnotize half of a half-and-half person? She reveals that Andrew and his "fellow thugs" are supposed to meet later this evening by Katz's trailer. Jenny (somehow?) chases Andrew out of the tent and they are gone. Andrew is involved in this but not Jenny? That's… logistically difficult. I'll just roll with it. This means however that the clowns, Rimshaw, Andrew, and Katz are all involved. Is there anyone besides Jenny that is not?
I climb the stairs in their trailer and quickly discover that they are fake intended to lift you over a partition into another part of the otherwise flat trailer. On the other side of the partition is Andrew/Jenny's half-and-half wardrobe with clothes that would make the Batman villain Two-Face envious. (Do you think he'll be showing up in Batman Returns?) In the wardrobe is two outfits and I take both. Searching their pockets, I also discover a veil. I have a feeling that this will be enough to impersonate the duo myself. Why would I do that?
And that's it for tonight. When I visit Katz's trailer, I am told that it is too early. I spend time instead searching for new things to do but largely come up blank. Here is what I'm still working on:
This is a fun game, albeit a strange one. The circus-themed puzzles are unique for the games that we have played so far and that makes them somewhat more fun than they otherwise might be. Overall, the game is going a great job balancing out its humor with its darker mood. Not everything is perfect, but I'm pretty happy with the experience overall.
Time played: 6 hr 25 min
Total time: 7 hr 35 min
Inventory: mousetrap, President Taft, bucket, ribbon, skeleton key, newsprint, cheese morsel, ticket, headphones, gorilla suit, $19.81 (plus other stuff that I found but are storing such as the whip and stool)
Score: 120 of 200 (60%)
I apologize for the small delay in getting this out. We've had "plague house" here at the local Infocom Marathon Headquarters and so much of my time has been spent either being sick, cleaning up after others being sick, or both at the same time. It doesn't make for the best head-space for writing about a fun-filled circus holiday. To compensate, I've made this entry a bit longer than usual. As they say, send in the clowns!
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| Has anyone seen my moongate? |
Last time out, I mapped out all of the circus that I could. This consisted of several circus acts including an animal menagerie; Andrew Jenny, the half-and-half person; Rimshaw, the hypnotist; Tina, the "fat lady"; plus the Big Top itself. A guarded turnstile blocked our way further south, presumably to the crew area. While exploring, I performed a hire-wire act in the empty Big Top, scoring me a lost child's balloon which I must be careful not to drop or else it will fly away. I need to solve some puzzles if I am to advance.
The first "puzzle" that I know of is more like copy protection. The ticket included with the game has tons of fine print on it, but most importantly that three sessions with Rimshaw are included with the price of admission. This includes palm reading, hypnotism, and head-bump reading. I'm going to start this week by cashing in my extras.
While the palm reading reveals nothing but that I am going to have an interesting night, the hypnotism is surprisingly effective. I am cast back, as in a dream, several hours to when the circus was in full swing and I am sitting in the audience. The place is packed and everyone seems to be having a good time. This is a fully interactive dream, so I can interact with it in the usual Infocom way. Suddenly, I hear a rumble and a growl. What could it be? I look around, only to realize that it is my own stomach. I am hungry! (I confirm this with the "diagnose" command, a nice throwback to earlier Infocom games.) Just in the nick of time, a hawker comes to the end of my row selling tofu and peanuts. I yell down that I would like some peanuts and he flashes me the price on his fingers. I pass down that amount of money, but the press of the crowd is too much. My food never arrives and the hawker is quickly lost in the press of the crowd.
I'm still hungry, so I go in search of my peanuts. The crowd is too thick to the west, but I can push my way through to the east. I'm told that the exit is that way and down which is probably a hint. I chase the hawker through several rooms, but never catch up with him. The crowded bleachers form a maze. When I can head in his direction, I do, but I try to find routes down or east when I cannot. Eventually, I end up at the entrance to the Big Top with no hawker, but there is a concession stand set up where I can purchase food. Just as I arrive a monkey-- a literal monkey!-- lands on my back. I can't get it off.
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| Cheeky monkey! (And a very important photo in the history of human-simian interaction.) |
Just being patient doesn't cut it, nor does switching to the shorter line. I have to trick the crowd: if I pretend to get out of line to go to the short line, but instead stay in the long line, the people will cross like lemmings to the other side and leave me with a straight path to the front. I am forced to buy a chocolate covered banana which leaves me with exactly $12.81 in my pocket. I know I'm on the right path because that is precisely the amount of money that I started the game with. There is so much good humor here; it's a very memorable sequence. Highlights for me are the realization that the audience members are shockingly born exactly one minute apart from each other (a sucker is, as they say, born every minute), plus the ribbing the game gives you as you pick the wrong line over and over again. It is clever enough to point out, for example, that the person you were standing in line behind just a bit ago just got there food. It's all quite clever and my favorite part of the game so far.
Unfortunately, I make the mistake of feeding the banana to the monkey. He stays on my back and I seem to be stuck. I restore and try instead to throw the banana. He jumps off my back to get it and I am finally free of him, even if I am annoyed about the dead end. Heading back into the circus, still without food, I pass the hawker taking a break near the entrance. He tells me that he eventually gave me a granola bar and the guy sitting next to me still has it. But I didn't order a granola bar! I need to go back in and get it off of him. I navigate the maze back to my seat and the sequence ends. I have ten more points! What was the purpose of that? Was there a clue to the kidnapping that I missed? I try playing through it all again, but I don't see a clue if there is one. Could there be something else hidden in the crowd?
I ask Rimshaw to read the bumps on my head and he tells me two interesting bits of information:
- For romance, a woman will soon come into my life.
- For travel, I will soon visit the grand canyon.
Since I doubt either of those things will happen in this game, are those clues to future Infocom adventures? Rimshaw comments that I like Infocom adventures (how true!) and tells me that his favorite game is Enchanter, so that seems to be a good possibility. I think this is too early for Plundered Hearts to be referenced, but could those be references to Leather Goddesses and Trinity? I have played neither so I have no idea.
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| A 19th century hypnotist. With angels for some reason. |
After failing to find a way to get the radio from the bearded lady or how to get past the elephant, I work on passing through the turnstile into the crew area. That passage is guarded by "Harry", a blind man inside of a repurposed (and burned-out) animal cage. We saw him let Chuckles and Thumb through in the beginning of the game, but he doesn't recognize me to let me through. Since he's blind, I can't just wear the clown mask. I'll have to come up with an alternative path.
As it turns out, Harry is a plethora of information about the rest of the circus staff. He'll talk to me about just about everyone, with two special exceptions. In my conversations with him, I learn that:
- Chuckles had a lot of pride in his craft, until… what? He doesn't say.
- Tina has tried to lose weight, but Munrab forces her to eat.
- The Roustabout fell out of the social safety net and Munrab is forcing him to live in a cage instead of a trailer.
- Jenny is trying to keep Andrew on the straight-and-narrow, but Andrew considers her a thorn in his side.
- Rimshaw is worthless and we shouldn't waste our money. (We already know that he's a skilled hypnotist!)
- Gottfried, the new lion tamer, is a glory hog and stays one step ahead of the ASPCA.
- Munrab, the owner, is struggling. His dreams are not panning out and he is putting the squeeze on everyone. The circus is dangerous because of his pressure and cut corners.
Harry has less interesting things to say about the remaining staff (like Comrade Thumb) and doesn't seem to know some names from the manual at all. I also learn that his blindness is caused by being mauled by one of the lions. He even shows me his scars. The two lions in the circus are Nimrod and Elsie. He pointedly tells me that Nimrod refuses the whip while Elsie can only be tamed by it. That won't possibly come in handy later. I should note that he'll only talk about this once so you better take good notes!
There is a small puzzle while talking to him, although it doesn't seem to lead anywhere. If you ask about Chelsea, Munrab's daughter, he tells you that he told you already. If you took good notes and realize that he didn't do that, you can argue with him, eventually ending in a volley of "did not" and "did so" just like in cartoons. If you switch and say "did so", he'll get confused ala the Looney Tunes and say "did not" and then finally he'll talk to you about Chelsea. At least at this point in the game however, all he says is that he hasn't seen her all evening. A little underwhelming for the mini-puzzle that I had to pass through to get that information, but at least it was fun. Pointless trivia: this verbal sparring was first used in the Chuck Jones cartoon, Rabbit Fire, in 1951. Nearly 70-year old gags are still funny!
Even after all of those interviews and the trick to talk about Chelsea, none of that helps and I have to keep exploring.
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| Yummy discarded granola. |
In my next explorations, I end up back under the bleachers in the Big Top. The entrance was moved since the stands have been put back into place, but I can now climb under the fabric of the tent on the Midway to gain access. Since I have been recently hypnotized, I recall where I was sitting and go there to discover the lost granola bar that the hawker tried (and failed) to give me. I could eat it myself, but knowing that the Fat Lady is trying to be on a diet, I go there instead.
In her room, she has been oblivious this whole time just listening to her radio. Her "room" is actually two connected rooms with her in the center. I am either on her left or her right, with passages to the northeast/southeast and northwest/southwest to cross to the other side. If I try to take the radio, she passes it into her other hand and I have to go to the opposite room to see it again. That much I had discovered last week. However, if I stand on the side with a free hand, I can give her the granola bar which causes her to notice me. She offers me her hand which I-- after a moment of confusion-- shake in a show of friendship. She puts down the radio in the process and I can head to the other room and grab it quickly, scoring a few more points in the process. Tina is portrayed as "simple" (my words, not theirs), a gentle giant, but it's not at all flattering. Yes, it's all for maximum pathos but it doesn't completely sit right with me, especially since we've now essentially stolen a radio from an adult child. I hope at least she enjoyed her granola bar; it probably came from the granola mines of the Great Underground Empire.
That said, the radio is (for now) useless and only plays static. There's an ad for a classical radio station that I mentioned last time so I follow the instructions to change the channel to AM 1070. That causes a brief burst of music before it returned to static. I try carrying the radio around the grounds to see if it gets reception somewhere else, but I never find any. It'll have to be a mystery for later.
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| They're finally here! |
Let's skip over another one of those impossible-to-narrate sections where I screw around with stuff and nothing much works, but I discover one thing: I can open the balloon and breathe the helium inside. Thanks to my new (and very brief!) high-pitched voice, I impersonate a clown much more effectively and manage to fool Harry. Even though he's blind, I put on the clown mask just to be on the safe side. He lets me through into the staff-only section of the circus. I hope that the mask is enough to fool anyone I might come across because I don't have the rest of a clown outfit handy.
There are only two "rooms" back here, but both seem promising:
- The east end has Katzenjammer's trailer. He's the new lion tamer. Both his trailer and an external baggage compartment are locked.
- The west end has a dilapidated trailer with a warped front door. I try to pry it open, but do not succeed. It too is locked. More on that in a second.
The other interesting bit is that there is a pleated cloth wall in the north west. By climbing under the cloth, I arrive back in the prop tent. I also spot a piece of wood that wasn't there before. In classic adventure game form, I reach down to pick it up and… well, I can't spoil the joke by explaining it. I guess we'll do a rare "screenshot of text"!
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| Profanity is funny! |
I head back and knock on the door of the trailer. Chuckles only glances at me a moment before letting me in, probably because I am still wearing Malcolm's mask. (What happened to Malcolm anyway that he lost his mask and hasn't been seen around the camp? Is that part of the mystery?) In a slang-ridden conversation-- all helpfully translated by the circus slang section of the manual-- Chuckles complains about "Johnny Tin Plate" (the detective) snooping around, but he's pretty sure he won't find their "grift" (illegal gambling) because you have to put "Annie Oakley" (ticket) under the old front. I file that information away. Comrade Thumb is also in there, but he mostly ignores me while staying on his bunk-bed. During the conversation, Chuckles pauses at one point to ask me to close the door, but he doesn't catch on that I'm not who I say I am and I'm not dumb enough to do more than nod along. I expect that speaking will ruin the disguise. I search and find an ashtray with some ashes in it. Further snooping reveals that it the ashes include some unburned newsprint with a large-font letter "M" on it. Could this be a sign that one of the clowns worked on a ransom note? I haven't seen the note yet, but ransom notes often use cut up newsprint, at least in detective fiction. After a few turns, he realizes that I am not Malcolm and kicks me out.
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| Text adventures seem old, but by this point we are only a year before Leisure Suit Larry. That version of blackjack (above) was one I spent many hours on as a kid. |
I took the bit about the illegal gambling as my next clue, so I search for the "old front" and find it quickly behind the elephant tent. When I slide my ticket under, a compartment opens up into a gambling hall where circus-goers and staff seem to be having some fun. I'm not sure how anyone finds out about this place to get in, but I'm sure word gets around the seedier circles. My options at seem to be poker and blackjack, but the game doesn't let you try poker as it is a private game. At first I think I can't play blackjack either, but it's just a verb problem. If you type "bet $1" (for example), the game starts.
This looks like Infocom's first minigame! It's actually quite simple, only using yes or no questions for all the game mechanics except betting. The maximum bet is $2 and I stick to that because I can always restore if I lose too much. I lose the first couple of hands, but soon the "won" hands stay about even with the "loss" ones. Blackjack is a fairly simple game, but I did not pay enough attention to tell if they accurately simulated multiple decks or did a new set every hand. The only missing feature is "splitting" hands. That's when you are dealt two of the same card and are given the option of splitting them into two hands (with additional bet) so that they can be played individually. Even Leisure Suit Larry had that, but it's not a huge deal. In the end, I can't really get ahead without save-scumming and nothing magical happens when I double my money. If there's a plot point here, I don't see it... until I quit.
As soon as I get up to leave, my character gets an impulse to play one more hand. That time, instead of playing as before, there are taps on our feet. It only takes one hand to realize that the taps are revealing the value of the dealer's hole card! That helps less than you might think and I still lose, but why is something helping me cheat? I sneak a peek under the table and it is Comrade Thumb! Is this his way to repay me for helping at the water fountain? The dealer quickly catching me looking under the table and realizes what is going on. He kicks both Thumb and I out of the gambling den and will no longer let me back in. I hope I didn't miss anything. I can always restore if need be.
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| We can't rewind; we've gone too far. |
With no further leads, I embark on another round of searching for new things to do. I start behind the elephant tent near the gambling hall and realize immediately that I must not have tried hard enough before. My first discovery is that I can climb the cage there and then clamber further onto the elephant's tent itself. It's dark and I don't have a destination in mind, so there's no place it lets me go. The one good thing is that the radio works up there! It does me no good immediately, but knowing the radio works with altitude could be a clue. Climbing down from the cage causes you to fall off and die. Just kidding, you just fall off and bruise your ego, complete with a fake death scene. Cheeky.
The cage itself was my next win. I had thought for some reason that the cage door was on the inside of the elephant tent, that I was seeing the rear, but in fact this is the front. Peering inside-- which I assume I could always have done but never thought of it-- I see a pair of keys on a nail. Using my tightrope-walking pole, I can poke in and grab the keys and slide them down to me. Not surprisingly, the keys unlock the cage door and inside is a makeshift home for a person. A bit dehumanizing perhaps, but he or she does have a nice pair of cassette headphones which I pocket. There is also a bucket of raw meat which I'm going to assume wasn't for him, unless we have a werewolf or something. The headphones have a location counter (currently 372) plus play, record, and rewind buttons.
I play the tape and at first don't notice anything funny. It's all Jimi Hendrix solos and the author didn't even bother to find the names of real Hendrix songs. But when I rewind and play from the beginning, there is the distinct sound of Rimshaw hypnotizing someone from locations 124 to around 250. Did Rimshaw use these headphones to hypnotize someone into kidnapping Midrab's daughter? Does the kidnapper even know that he or she did it?
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| No one will ever kill this radio star. Well, other than drugs. |
The keys do not just open up the the cage. Trying them around the yard reveals that they also open the gorilla's cage on the other side of the elephant tent. The gorilla's name is Mahler and he's not completely happy to see me invade his space. If I stay too long or get too curious, he "kills" me with a fate worse than death: permanently maimed and forced to act as a circus freak. I am able to locate a trap door hidden under the straw in his cage, but going anywhere near it results in that death. The solution turns out to be the music, although I'm not sure I should do this yet. If you play the headphones, Mahler will snag them off of you and calmly listen to classical music. (Hendrix is not his thing.) That lets me open the trap door, but it is empty except for a red ribbon. What is the significant of the ribbon? I have no idea. Unfortunately, Mahler destroys the headphones as soon as the music stops. I make a note of this detour, but I still expect that I'll need to hypnotize someone so restore back.
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| I did not wear a tutu while playing this segment. |
Leaving the menagerie, I find the detective slumped down on the midway. He's alive, but barely. It doesn't look like foul play, more like a drunken stupor. He's still holding his "cure-all" flask and will not let it go. I try to search his coat but I am told that I cannot while he is wearing. He's too heavy for me to get it off of him also and this could be something to come back to later, if I find some help. Is there a circus strongman around someplace? I was hoping that he had the ransom note in his pocket so I could compare it to the burned newsprint from the clowns' trailer.
Trying my key all over the place, I discover that it doesn't unlock any of the trailers or the main office, but it does unlike the storage compartment under the lion tamer's trailer. It also unlocks the lions' cage in the western ring of the Big Top. The storage compartment contains a bullwhip which I grab. I now have a whip, a chair, and a bucket of raw meat, plus access to a cage of wild lions. It's my turn to be a lion tamer!
Letting myself in with the lions, I discover a large podium in the center of the ring and a closed grate to the south. The lions won't let me near either. Although they are patient, I will get mauled if I stick around too long. My guess is that I am trying to "tame" the lions into letting me open the southern grate. From there, it's either a place that I need to go or that they do, although I'm not sure which yet. Throwing the meat around calms the lions a bit, but they still do not let me go near the center podium. They do let me open the southern grate, but the game thinks that I am stupid for trying to climb in there so I'm guessing that was not the right call. Instead of tossing the meat immediately, I try the whip and chair. I spend a lot of time trying to find the right verb for whatever real tamers do with their chairs, but I eventually give up. Instead, I crack the whip over each of the lions. This is the point where I should remind you-- and wish I had reminded myself-- of Harry's conversation about the lions. He said that Elsie could be tamed by the whip while Nimrod could not. Of course, I have no idea which is which and the game forces me to address them as the "shaggy lion" and the "smooth-bodied lion". When I crack the whip over the shaggy lion, he gets really angry and kills me immediately. When I crack it over the smooth one, she calms down and goes into her routine. My guess is that is Elsie. That isn't enough since she isn't so docile that she lets me past.
And I admit that here's where I took a hint. I was absolutely convinced that I needed to do something with the chair, but I could find no words that worked. In the process of looking up a walkthrough to see the command for the chair, I realize the real problem was that I didn't crack the whip three times. The first time is just the start of the act. If you want her to do more, you have to keep doing it. Once she has been "tamed" three times, we can now open the grate again. Why Nimrod lets us now and not before Elsie was tamed will have to remain an exercise for the player. With the gate open, I can toss in the meat and… then what? I find that if I leave the cage and come back, they naturally went through the grate to retrieve the meat and that is good enough for me to be able to close them in. Lions managed! Now I can finally search the center podium to discover a cigarette case hidden underneath. What good does that do me?
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| It's a mystery to everybody. |
With no other leads, I start working on the (literal) case. Harry is still my best source of information for things around the circus and he tells me that the case belongs to Andrew. I take it to Andrew Jenny's trailer and show it to both of them. Andrew doesn't respond, but Jenny throws a fit. She fights with her other half, somehow remembering that she was involved in something that she didn't want to be. Was she hypnotized? How do you hypnotize half of a half-and-half person? She reveals that Andrew and his "fellow thugs" are supposed to meet later this evening by Katz's trailer. Jenny (somehow?) chases Andrew out of the tent and they are gone. Andrew is involved in this but not Jenny? That's… logistically difficult. I'll just roll with it. This means however that the clowns, Rimshaw, Andrew, and Katz are all involved. Is there anyone besides Jenny that is not?
I climb the stairs in their trailer and quickly discover that they are fake intended to lift you over a partition into another part of the otherwise flat trailer. On the other side of the partition is Andrew/Jenny's half-and-half wardrobe with clothes that would make the Batman villain Two-Face envious. (Do you think he'll be showing up in Batman Returns?) In the wardrobe is two outfits and I take both. Searching their pockets, I also discover a veil. I have a feeling that this will be enough to impersonate the duo myself. Why would I do that?
And that's it for tonight. When I visit Katz's trailer, I am told that it is too early. I spend time instead searching for new things to do but largely come up blank. Here is what I'm still working on:
- I can't find a way past the elephant into its tent. I was thinking that I could catch a mouse with the cheese, but I haven't found one. Elephants hate mice, right?
- I can't wake up the detective or search him. He's still dead drunk on the fairway.
- I can't get into either the office or the lion tamer's trailer.
- I can't get the ribbon without destroying the headphones and I'm not certain I should do that yet.
This is a fun game, albeit a strange one. The circus-themed puzzles are unique for the games that we have played so far and that makes them somewhat more fun than they otherwise might be. Overall, the game is going a great job balancing out its humor with its darker mood. Not everything is perfect, but I'm pretty happy with the experience overall.
Time played: 6 hr 25 min
Total time: 7 hr 35 min
Inventory: mousetrap, President Taft, bucket, ribbon, skeleton key, newsprint, cheese morsel, ticket, headphones, gorilla suit, $19.81 (plus other stuff that I found but are storing such as the whip and stool)
Score: 120 of 200 (60%)
DE: Miserable Meat Mountain
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| Get. Cleaved. Hard. |
Today is a special day. Why? Because I'm posting about a hypothetical competitive list that I've been working on that features Coven. The idea of this list came from friends of mine in the competitive 40K circuit that has been actively discussing the validity of Coven. Personally, I think that Prophets have some of the strongest units in all of the Dark Eldar book. The 4++ across the entire army is absolutely insane considering all the buffs you can stack.
What you have here is a list that's capable of outputting a dramatic amount of firepower on top of having a huge amount of resilient, melee pressure that can move surprisingly quick across the battlefield. All Haemonculus units move 7" (Wyches move 8") across the battlefield where Talos can move a surprising 8". When you consider the fact that Talos can now Fly, you really to question all these massive, resilient meaty things are being thrown into your face in the most ridiculous way possible.
Here's the list, I'll go into detail below:
Miserable Meat Mountain
1993 // 9-11 CP
Black Heart Bat +5 CP
HQ:
Archon, Agonizer, Blaster = 91
Cunning, Living Muse
Archon, Agonizer, Blaster = 91
TROOP:
5x Warriors, Blaster = 47
10x Warriors, 2x Blaster, SC = 104
10x Warriors, 2x Blaster, SC = 104
10x Warriors, 2x Blaster, SC = 104
PARTY BOATS:
Raider, Dark Lance = 85
Raider, Dark Lance = 85
Raider, Dark Lance = 85
Raider, Dark Lance = 85
HEAVY:
Ravager, 3x Dissies = 125
Ravager, 3x Dissies = 125
Ravager, 3x Dissies = 125
+++
Prophets Spear +1 CP
HQ:
Urien = 90
Diabolical Soothsayer
ELITE:
10x Grotesques = 350
HEAVY:
Talos, 2x Macro, 2x Haywire = 99
Talos, 2x Macro, 2x Haywire = 99
Talos, 2x Macro, 2x Haywire = 99
>>>
So what you do here is take Alliance of Agony to enable the Diabolic Soothsayer on Urien. This automatically pays for itself and you can possibly get 2 more CP depending on what you roll. All in all, this makes your CP count 9-11 depending on hot your dice are on this roll.
Urien himself is pretty amazing. For 90 points, which is 15 points or so more than a regular Haemonculus, you get +1S and Ld. on top of the +1T for all units within 6" of him. He's fast enough to keep up with the rest of your army, is T6 because his aura also works on himself, and is incredibly difficult to kill because he halves damage coming into him. However, what makes him work is the rest of the units he brings along with him as part of your army. With his +1S/T aura, he makes all the Grotesques shielding him T6, 4++, 4W with FNP. Each of those beasts has 5 S6 AP-2 1D WS3+ attacks and that's going to do some serious damage to whatever they touch. The Talos is even more deadly because they are now T7, 4++, 7W with FNP with 6 S8 AP-2 2D WS3+ attacks each with an additional 2D3 Haywire Blaster shots. Sure, these hit on 4s, but it's still nothing to sneeze at, especially if you're a vehicle.
I can see a deployment strategy for these guys as Grots in front, Urien in the middle, Talos all around Urien. This gives him a Spear of Meat that he can drive directly into the heart of the enemy, making them shit their pants while your Kabal units do their thing. What makes a list like this work is that you cannot really ignore the cascading mountain of meat running into your lines. Sooner or later you'll have to deal with them and they're an absolute pain to deal with. If 10 Grots get into combat, they're going to throw out 50 high-strength attacks that are going to murder pretty much anything they touch. They're incredibly difficult to kill and they will beat out most things in combat easily due to sheer attrition and unit preservation. Unlike most fatty units, Grots don't die easily and so the overall damage of the unit will stay intact much longer.
In short, your opponents are left reeling from the damage that your firebase of Living Muse Ravagers and Raiders are inflicting, but they're too distracted to deal with them because of all the Coven units closing in. If they focus on the vehicles (and you should play the range-game here at first), they're also making a mistake. Hopefully, you've played smart enough to reduce as much damage as possible and watch your Coven units smash into his lines untarnished. This is Tough Decisions 101 and Dark Eldar plays this game much better than most. When it comes to pure pressure, I think Prophets is the way to go if you want to bring a melee force that can threaten anything from MEQ to Imperial Knights
Yes, I'm going to call this list experimentation Miserable Meat Mountain after the competitive Warmahordes Trolls list. It's a Black Heart Bat and Prophets Spear, so it's relatively easy to construct. Now, help me out with this grand experiment and field this list if you're capable of fielding this!
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