I wasn't ready for that

I got home from work around 9:30pm after a pretty long day. Checked mail and FB, emailed JS a few times. Cooked myself some pelmeenid, then watched TV for a bit. I began to realise something. There's very little on TV that will actually enrich your life. Sure there's interesting things, but when you're looking for comfort for the soul, or something positive and uplifting, TV will not help you. In fact it makes the soul more restless. I'm seriously considering cancelling my cable contract. Or at least cutting it back to internet only.

Tonight I had a weird experience though, and one that I'm a little afraid to blog, but I'm gonna do it anyway.

I was in bed, had been watching TV and was thinking i should probably put lights out and sleep. But I became intensely aware that I was so alone here, no way for me to contact anyone and no-one contacting me. At times that can be a good thing, but not right now when I need people more than ever. But there was no-one. And it was deeply depressing, and I was being tempted so much to return to old vices. So much so that I actually had to escape my own apartment. At 1:30am I got up, got dressed, grabbed a bible and a notepad, jumped in my car and simply started driving. I had no idea where I was going or where I would end up. My trip took me out o a round trip into the country which lasted about 1,5hrs. Whilst driving I prayed, cried and did a lot of thinking and even praying for my phone to ring. Nothing. I don't think I have ever felt so intensely lonely as I did today. Someone call me...