Why am I doing here, and what?

Yes, you read the title right. It's a little confused and frustrated, and right now so am I.

Here's the deal. My first visit to Estonia was in 1995 - I fell in love with the place, and couldn't help coming here any chance I got. During that time I began asking God about it, I knew I liked it here and of course I could see myself living here - for me. But i really wanted to know what God thought about it. I began praying seriously. One night when I was in Estonia somewhere around Easter time I guess in '98 or '99 I had a dream. Over the years God has spoken to me in dreams, and when I wake up I just KNOW that it was no ordinary dream. This was one of those dreams, and when I woke I realised that I had been spoken to very clearly and that Estonia was where I needed to be. Years passed, and I kept visiting, but no doors were opening for me. Then I realised something. I actually wasn't ready to go. I had debts, and I had some "issues" that really needed to be dealt with.

In earnest I set about preparing myself, clearing debts and dealing with my issues - it was hard work and it took a few years. Finally I reached the point where I had paid off all the money I owed, and I even had some money saved (for the first time in my life). A door opened for me to come here to work with a good friend of mine and I didn't have to think twice. I resigned from my workplace in UK, and in one month I was here. That was in 2004. Then came the big question. "It took me nine years to get here, so now what?" Since then, and in trying to answer that question, I have just been getting stuck into whatever seemed right (and a few things which really weren't), and fulfilling some of my dreams along the way. The overall sense was that I was in the right place, and doing the right thing.

Here's the crunch. Now, having been here five years, my residency due for renewal imminently, I'm feeling just as restless as I was when I was in limbo between knowing I should be in Estonia but having to live with the fact I was still in UK. With a renewed hunger for God and his purposes, I'm dissatisfied, frustrated, and I'm asking BIG questions.

• Am I still where I belong?
• Am i doing what I should be doing?
• If so, why have I seen little or no fruit from my labours?
• If so why am I feeling so restless?
  
• If so, what can I do to be more effective in the expansion of God's kingdom?
• If not, why am I still here?
• If not, where should I be instead?
• If not, what should I be doing instead.

I have only questions, but I have begun asking God for the answers.
But I think these are good questions, ones that we should be asking ourselves regularly...