Hope, Faith and You

I have been here many times before. A relationship doesn't work out and I'm left picking up the pieces of my life to begin again.. I'm tired, overtired of beginning again.
This time though it IS different for a number of reasons.
Firstly, we truly fell in love, we weren't in fantasy land. Marriage seemed a certainty, not simply a remote possibility. We used to say “when we get married” not “if we get married” and it felt good to say it, right to say it. Even now, and even though there are no promises of it, that love hasn't left me, and I hope it never does. I hope it motivates me to be there always, to nurture our friendship even more, to prepare myself to be a great husband, and though I hate to say it, to teach me what perseverance means.
Secondly, its different because of hope. Hope of winning a life long war where previously occasional battles were won, but most were lost. I said I would not give up and I would fight her yet when I said that, this isn't exactly what I meant. But it seems like God is turning my words on me with a hint of irony an a wry smile. This is the fight God meant when I said that. This is hard for me to say, but I know its the truth: I'm not ready to be a husband until I know this war is over and I have won. I thought this war would take place while we were in the relationship, but I can see already that the war couldn't be won that way. The war has to be won whilst its just me and God, so that all my strength comes from him.
Thirdly, my relationship with God is nothing like it has been previously. Its transformed. I remember how it used to be, I'd pretty much only pray when things weren't going “right”. So relationships were one area that would always get prayer, but not really righteous prayer at all. This time its different, I actually have a devotional life!
When I think back to her dream about us following the lion, the war against the dinosaurs who were after us, and her telling me there's something I have which I can't bring with me, I'm certain this is part of it. Some may say it was only a dream, but it came when I was fresh from reading Prince Caspian, and this could almost have been a scene from the book (or film). My current analysis of the dream would go something like this:
We are trying to follow Jesus together, and we're at war. The monsters of old (our 'demons' unbeaten) are coming for us. And I am carrying something which cannot be taken to the place we are going. I need to leave it behind. I will leave it behind.